Un Fantasma Tra Noi
by xDearTestament
Summary: Jasper's past refuses to die, and so does Bella. Memories won't be the only thing haunting the empath. References to necrophilia elements, gore, murder, and other graphic things but altogether, it's pretty sentimental. Includes Darksper and Ghost!Bella.


**/Hi, all! So, this is actually my second-ish time posting this story. Aside from being unable to access my old account, I always talked about posting a DARKER AND EDGIER version of this story. I reread it years later on a whim and got inspired, so here I am. Plus, I'd finally like to write a sequel and I'd like everything under one account. If you think the concepts might be a bit much for you, PM me and I'll direct you to the lighter and softer version.**

**The concept and plot are very similar. Just to set the scene, Jasper and Alice are not a couple in the beginning, and there's some implied EdwardxAlice. I don't really explore how Jasper found the Cullens, but I could do a prequel if there's interest. Oh, and there are still themes of reincarnation. Generally, what my reviewers seemed to find interesting in the old reviews is left intact and improved./**

_Blood. I needed blood._

_I'd fed, of course. It wasn't just the literal blood that I craved. Venom would do. Devastation of those who opposed me; that , too would suffice._

_It was agony that I truly craved._

_I'd had that, too. _

_I struck the match on my stonelike face, roughened with scars invisible to the human eye, staring back at my disturbed troop with a satisfied smirk before throwing it onto the pile. The fielight ws almost blinding._

Sunrise snapped me out of it, my flashback-addled brain briefly mistaking the fiery hues for the bonfire that I'd somehow let my mind wander far enough to remember.

Still on edge, my heightened senses searched for signs of my coven: for signs of the present.

"Are we seriously still doing this? Can't we just pretend we're homeschooled or something? This is bullshit."

"Emmett, you know better. "

The Cullens. My adopted 'family'. I hoped Edward hadn't caught my thoughts. Not that he hadn't already seen enough.

"Maybe you could join the football team." I could practically hear the crooked smirk in said telepath's voice.

"Yeah, sure. I already get accused of using steroids. Seriously, I'm sick of hanging around kids all day just to look a little more normal. It's not working."

"It's not for you, idiot," There it was. Rosalie made some attempt at a whisper, but it didn't do much good when I could hear even the slight thud of her elbow meeting his side, "it's to help-"

"Everyone." Esme chimed in softly, but with enough of her quiet strength to break up the argument, "it's to help everyone get used to being around people."

She must have realized I was listening. It was impossible to tell by looking at them, and I wasn't about to risk having to share too much of my own story by asking, but I believed Esme had been the oldest when she was made into a vampire. She was probably the most considerate; maybe even more so than Carlisle, and it showed even the way she referred to the humans as people. Though all vampires' minds worked faster and more efficiently than they had when they were human, the immaturity of the younger Cullens had stayed with them. Frozen in time as teenagers, no matter how long they lived or how noble their lifestyle was. The brain, after all is as physical as any other part of the body. I knew that especially well. I'd seen the human brain many times, as just another organ strewn across the floor. Collateral damage.

I had been stuck, too. Constantly in a state of war; battle-ready. That was why the humans bothered me despite my not being the youngest of the Cullen 'children'. My mind was frozen as a war general's, a particuarly brutal one at that. A monster.

Edward liked that term to refer to himself, but there wasn't anything I wouldn't give to have nothing but the souls of murders and rapists on my conscience. It was no wonder he didn't like being around me, hearing my thoughts. I didn't have a good memory to my name. Not one that wasn't stained with blood.

But Esme came close. Esme reminded me of my own mother, though I think anyone who'd had a decent one would say the same.

_"Wise beyond your years, I don't know what's made you so very serious…you're so mature, Jasper, really…"_

Word's they'd both said, though Esme's reprise had lacked the sorrowful undertones in my mother's statement.

_"I can't believe this is happening…you're already a man, though I wish you'd stayed my child for just a little longer…"_

It felt like I was hearing things. Things I wanted to hear even less than the sympathy of my adopted family.

_"Just come back to me…just as you are now. Promise me, Jasper."_

I only nodded. Even then, I hadn't spoken much. I was often told I never showed my emotions; ironic, now but not then.

_My silence didn't seem to trouble her, though I'm not sure anything could have made her any more upset than she already was. She hugged me, grabbing the worn material of my second hand uniform and adding tear stains to the fabric's abuse. I let her for what seemed to me to be a long time, but I had another goodbye to say, one somehow even more important than my mother's._

I couldn't help but agree with Emmett. Although I did have an easier time suppressing my instincts around humans since attending school, it seemed to be the riskiest environment for building my tolerance.

_"I believe in you, Jasper. You'll do the right thing."_

It didn't help that the students were agitated today. Aside from the physical effect it had on the pulse, heightened emotions affected me differently than they did the others.

"Maybe we should have stayed home today." Edward sounded serious. I didn't appreciate the monitoring of my thoughts, but he was right, obviously sensing that I was in a bad place today. That my memories were bothering me more than usual and had been all night. I don't know why he didn't say anything earlier.

Worse, Alice looked worried.

Usually, my decent respect for humans and my vows not to let myself devolve back into a killer were enough to help me keep my urges in check. Unlike Edward seemed to, I didn't look down my nose at them. These ones, especially, were only kids. It didn't sit right with me when he complained about them being immature or vapid when they were a fraction of his age. He could be a real ass sometimes.

Though, maybe, respect was the wrong word. But whatever it was, it was a principle that had been instilled in me long ago, one I had disregarded for a very long time. My mother may have called it chivalry. I don't remember what I thought of it as, but I was determined not to forget again.

_"Maybe if we put it back in the nest, the mama bird will find it and take care of it again." My little sister pointed to the structure in the tree with her free hand; her other was cradling the impossibly small egg she'd found on the ground, miraculously intact._

_I watched her strain to reach it, tiny fingers stretching as far as they could as if they'd make any difference. "I can't reach!"_

_I don't remember how old I was exactly, but she could not have been more than six. I wasn't much older but I was already stronger and taller than the rest of our friends. I sighed but I plucked the egg from her hand. I thought I was gentle, but as soon as it left her grasp and reached mine the shell shattered as if I'd been making every effort to crush it. Her eyes, the same color as the robin egg I'd broken, widened and she ran back towards our house as quickly as her short legs would allow. Her wailing echoed through the trees. I'll never forget the look on her face._

By the time the school bell pierced my thoughts, Edward's expression had relaxed.

"I...think it's going to be alright," Alice exchanged her pensive expression for a smile as she tangled her small, nimble fingers in Edward's hair. He sighed, relaxing and closing his eyes for a moment.

Emmett reminded me which class that the bell was signaling for us to go to and we pretended to head that way until we were out of Rosalie's sight. Instead, we wandered the campus lazily and easily avoided any questioning humans.

"We should have made our whole schedule up this way," Emmett grinned, "just show up for lunch every day you know? We could have probably gone to get some real lunch while the others read Little Women for the billionth time."

I smirked, amused at Emmett's choice of books to reference even though the concept of a 'real lunch' was troubling me now. A small, burning voice in the back of my head wanted to remind me what a real meal was.

_Blood. I needed blood._

I shook my head. It was a good thing Edward wasn't around. Instead, I tried to focus on Emmett's good natured ramblings as gory memories tried their best to get my attention again.

The memories, Emmett's words, or anything else didn't stand a chance. We'd turned a corner when I detected it. A faint trace of scent, a trail that was fortunately too cold for me to come unhinged and follow; to become a force too fast and too experienced a murderer for any of the Cullen children to stop. Instead, I grappled with myself and froze on the spot. Emmett questioned me and even grabbed my shoulder but I couldn't tell what he was saying.

"I have to leave."

**Bella's POV**

I managed to find an excuse to leave class early. As I walked towards the parking lot, it felt as if a great burden had been lifted from me and I found myself half heartedly kicking at shallow puddles and breathing in the unfamiliar air despite the fact I'd be coming right back to this place in less than 24 hours. Even so, school had been long and anxious and any day but the first day as the new student would have to be easier, at least at Forks High other students stared and whispered, but nobody really spoke to me other than a few catcalls and similarly lewd verbal gestures. But even that wasn't exactly flattering. I felt like they were making fun of me. I felt awkward and foreign. Unwelcome.

I tried to reassure myself that I was just being paranoid as I got into my little, red truck. After all, the stares had not been hostile but the lack of interaction reminded me of my stepfather. I sighed, feeling the stress creep back up on me as I climbed into the truck and memories of my former home life climbed into my mind. He'd ignored me, unless he had reason to belittle me. I felt like a ghost in my own home: when I walked into the room he would act as if I wasn't there; he wouldn't tell me of their plans or invite me to family celebrations; when I spoke to him, tried to make small talk, he'd neglect to answer me at all. Worse still, my mother never seemed to notice that he was driving a wedge between us. He was always over her shoulder, having to know everything we spoke of. Still, she was happy and I knew he wouldn't mistreat her. So when the cold became too much for me to handle, I decided to come live with my father.

Yes, maybe I was paranoid. Maybe I'd make friends soon, once the other students realized I wasn't unapproachable. I'd just have to reach out more, stop being so introverted. Maybe the only coldness I'd have to deal with here was the weather.

I would miss the desert, at least…on my last day in Phoenix, I stood on the balcony of our apartment and admired the wilds behind the complex for a long time. All the plants were bathed in light and they were so colorful…purple sage dotted the landscape, the cacti had sprouted bright pink and yellow flowers, and the trees had offered their dainty white blossoms in return for the golden sunlight. A Creosote shrub had released its rainy fragrance into the air, reminding me of the short but intense monsoon season that I used to look forward to.

Now it had rained every day I'd been here in weak, freezing little bursts. The most colorful thing I'd seen all day was the car parking lot. I'd stared at the last desert sunset I'd seen, hoping the pink, gold, and orange burst would burn its image into my mind but the gray and green atmosphere of Forks had already muddled the picture in my memories.

'I should be happy.' I thought, 'Charlie is caring…and Forks is kind of beautiful…it's the forest after all.' Fairy tales took place in the forest. Even in Arizona, I'd never heard a magical story about the desert, save one…

But it was getting to me, the dreariness of Forks. I hadn't always been this way, thinking the worst of myself and others. Repeated rejection, ever perceived, and this gloomy atmosphere was taking its toll. Some part of me had even become fascinated with death, returning over and over again to the darkest and saddest books in my collection. In a way, I was ashamed of myself, but...

I jumped slightly in the seat as a flash of white and gold suddenly caught my attention from across the parking lot. I looked over, finding myself flooded with some strange sense of hope, of longing, of...things I couldn't place.

It was a young man, and to me he looked to be crafted from light; a fallen star. His stark white skin seemed to glow through the light fog settling above the pavement and he stopped for a moment with a sudden, almost unnatural jerk. He had a pained expression, undertones of anger evident in his handsome face and I swear his irises were golden as his gaze fell on me. I looked straight back at him, if only because I was stunned. I felt hypnotized as I stared into his gradually darkening eyes, and I both wanted to start the car and drive away quickly and to get out, to run towards him as fast as I could. Before I could do either, he turned and stole into the trees just off campus.

It took me a long moment to regain my composure, but eventually I started the car and avoided the rush. I wasn't sure how to feel as I drove home on the lonely, muggy back road. I wondered if I'd even seen what I had, if that man was really just another student who'd happened to be standing in a ray of sunlight I hadn't noticed, further highlighted by the dreamy state I'd been in at the time. Maybe I'd seen an apparition, or something else that was otherworldly. That's certainly how I felt, but bitter skepticism tainted my thoughts. The strange hope I'd experienced before was being washed away by the drizzle on my windshield, reminding me of the gloomy place I lived in now.

Charlie wasn't home yet. I wasn't sure if I was glad about that or not, but I stepped out of the car and dashed into the empty house as if I could escape feeling the chill of the air. I should have gotten a head start on my schoolwork or cleaned up around the house. All I could think about was that man. If only that hadn't been the only truly interesting thing to happen to me at school, the only thing I could focus on. I started dinner and went up to my room.

'Maybe somebody else has seen something similar…' I sat down at the computer, intent on finding a clue.

**Oh, I cut the chapters to be longer. Yeah, I guess that's a bit of a change. Sorry I'm taking so long to set up, but when things get serious in this story, I promise they get really serious.**


End file.
